Investigating The Kitchen Music Phenomenon

When one person does something, and then two people copy it, and two people copy each of them, the exponential result is what we call a meme. But when several people do the exact same thing unbeknownst to one other in different locations, what is that? The collective conscious at work? Telepathy? Magic? No! It’s none of those things.

The phenomenon of random dudes making themselves breakfast, finding themselves tapping the spatula on the frying pan as the eggs cook up, and coming up with the brilliant idea of recording the sound and chopping it up into music is not a marvel of our metaphysical connectivity. It’s a sign of a bad economy. Seriously, people with this level of skill and this much time on their hands should be employed. Instead, they’re making spectacles of themselves on the internet so that those of us who do have jobs can waste a little more time at work watching them. That’s the world we live in today.

But the moral ambiguity behind all this is not going to stop us from watching this stuff. Case in point: I spent the last half hour at work not only watching these videos, but scrutinizing them, finding parallels within them, and judging their quality. I am a grown, employed man. But where was I before I had a job? You guessed it. I was humiliating myself in my kitchen and on the internet for the amusement of the working class. Circle of life.

So, let’s see some of this kitch-insanity (Ohhhh!).

wash choose peel chop rinse

This first example is less a song and more a Darren Aronofsky-esque study of kitchen activities. Cringe at repetitive pulling of a knife from a magnetic holder, feel a little chill during the feedback loop of an onion being skinned, and mimic the rhythm created by turning your own faucet on and off repeatedly. Tell your friends so that it can become a meme and together we can waste lots and lots of water!

Spills Kitchen

This one comes straight out of South Central Los An… I mean Kingston, Jamai… Nope. Lexington, Massachusetts. Outside the home of these two incredibly ghetto siblings are no gunshots, burning trashcans, or ‘76 Impalas sitting on cinderblocks. There’s a lot of greenery, a pleasant breeze, and an old couple walking their dog reeeaally slowly. How impressive is that beat though? That Spills is some kind of production wizard.

Real Beat

And finally, we realize that there was no need for creative ingenuity in the first place! Yup, there’s an app for that, so even talentless people, or small farm animals for that matter, can push a few buttons at random and a complex piece of software will clean up their percussive ramblings and turn them into something pretty. Thanks Apple!