Kilo Kish on the Inner Trappings of the Creative Process

A first hand look at her installation for the Camp Flog Gnaw Festival titled 'Inner Trappings'.

December 9, 2015, 6:40pm

Me almost finishing painting.

Right now it's 11:35PM and I'm sitting at my desk looking into my computer screen and out at the blackness outside my window. In my body, today, I am partially freaking out about an installation which will be finished and taken down by the time you read this. It's kind of weird how all that goes? And by that, I mean, time. All the tireless preparation for how you will be received in the future. It's kind of a guessing game, isn't it?

Ordering steps in a succession, based on your own hypothetical probabilities. Just like there's a good chance I pulled it off and there's material below for you to see, There's also a chance that between now and the next word I type, an axe murderer will jump out from the blackness and hack me to pieces. It didn't happen, as I have typed over a dozen words since then, but the infinite possibility of happenings makes me spin. Some people say, you can build your world just like in The Sims. Take your existence into your hands and make it count (insert swoosh here). The only difference is, in The Sims it's easiest to "win" when you play in "God" view. When you step into your body is when things get a bit tricky.

In art and music, which I like to call "the feeling sports," how do you stay inside yourself enough to make what "feels right" AND be omniscient enough to take the right steps for your career? We can just put a strikethrough the whole second half of the previous statement because I don't believe it's possible. We don't get the option to see from above, even when we think we do, it's inherently biased because above is also inside. We can't have one without the other.

My installation, Inner Trappings, for Camp Flog Gnaw, focuses on some of the personal hangups relating to making work. I don't have the answers, Kanye. But I will say, blessed are those who help the artists see what you have to offer in the most balanced of ways. We artists have the tendency to be imbalanced. All bravado or all fear, or a salt and pepper shaker set of both that can leave our food either too salty or too spicy on any given day.

Some people say that the reality of who you are is whoever and however you see it to be. But even for me, that's a bit isolating. Isn't it fun to consider the multiplicities of who you may be? The know-it-all, the raging bitch, the one who gives the most, and the one who loves with their hand out, the one you know so well, and the one you will never be allowed to meet.