A Parish Councillor and His Wife Were Accidentally Sent on a Zante Clubbing Holiday

It was reported in the news this week that Thomas Cook accidentally sent a middle aged couple on an absolutely charged getaway in Zante. Mr John Moore and his partner Angela were expecting a relaxing break on the Greek island of Zakynthos, but ended up on an Escapades break - basically an 18-30 clubbing trip.

Mr and Mrs Moore are used to a tranquil life, he's a parish councillor and she's a parish councillor's wife. Yet when they arrived at Escapades they were met with an absolute brigade, mate. Moore reported "youngsters banging on the walls and screaming and shouting." The couple found themselves in the eye of the storm. In a fishbowl.

John and Angela were staying in Laganas which, despite twenty years ago being a small hamlet, is now the party epicentre of the island. The action revolves around a strip of bars and clubs, more than 100 venues strong, famed for pseudo-full moon parties and an ocean of UV paint. It's largely harmless fun, a safe space that allows for a soft-core introduction to the non-stop party climate of Ibiza, or the sick stained sands of Koh Phi Phi.

The clubbing culture is perhaps best summed up by the BBC3 series Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents, a show that allowed Mum and Dad to spy on their offspring gone wild. It was Zante's 'rowdy with limits' attitude to clubbing that allowed the seminal show to flourish. Each episode would feature somebody being sick in a gutter, or abandoning one of their friends in a club, but it is unlikely the parents would have to watch on as their firstborn got into a blacked out car to pick up some roughly cut gak. Zante is basically one, big, sandy Oceana.

The Moores then asked to be moved to a different hotel - a request that was granted when they were moved to one of Escapades' official resorts. Things stepped up to another level from here, with Moore claiming the second hotel was 'even worse'. Bearing in mind that Zante acts as a post-sixth-form pilgrimage for many topshopped teens, it's understandable that an unassuming couple, edging their way to retirement, would have found the hordes of 'banter merchants' and seemingly neverending pre-lash a bit much.

All that being said, a closer look at the story throws up some pretty huge questions. Apparently the couple found somewhere more to their liking to see out the rest of the trip, only none of the news reports following the incident include the name of their new haven. Surely, if you were really having such a drastically terrible time you would fly back home instead of spending the remainder of your time in Zante - only to accept a £400 payout when you got home.

I put it to you that Mr and Mrs Moore knew exactly what they were doing. It is the perfect crime. Go to Zante, spend a week off your tits, blitzing one euro pints and smoking a tobacconist's worth of cheap Camels, then return home and force just enough compensation out Thomas Cook to cover your bar tab. I bet John and Angela were absolutely living it up. I bet she bought those little red Zante shorts. I bet he had a T Shirt made that said 'N****s in Parish'. I bet they both went on a banana boat.

Call me a conspiracist but something doesn't add up. 'Sun, Sex and Suspicious Circumstances' if you ask me. Are the Moores a quiet couple of Brits fallen foul of negligent customer service? Or are they are a pair of twisted tank-topped, relentless-drinking, hedonists - hell bent on cocktails and compensation? We may never know.

For now lets play out with one of their favourite cuts of last summer. Here's to you John and Angela.

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