ARIZONA'S BFFS

Maricopa County is Arizona's most populous County. It's where Phoenix is located and a five-man elected board known as The Board of Supervisors governs it. Along with Sheriff Joe Arpaio (aka Tent City Joe) and County Attorney Andrew Thomas, these three supposedly independent bodies are to protect and serve the citizens…but it never works out that way. Like two dweebs who never get any pussy, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio and County Attorney Andrew Thomas huddle in a back room somewhere, hatching plans regarding whom Arpaio can arrest and whom Thomas can indict. It's basically a tag team Arizona-style and anyone who gets in their way better watch out.

Their latest punching bag is Supervisor Don Stapley. On November 20, 2008, a Maricopa County grand jury handed down a 118-count indictment of multiple felonies that accused Stapley of perjury, forgery, false swearing and filing an incomplete and/or false financial disclosure statement for offenses dating from 1994 to 2008. This indictment was the culmination of an investigation conducted by Operation MACE, a joint anti-corruption task force run by the Sheriff's Office and County Attorney's Office.

Led by Don Stapley, The Maricopa County Board of Supervisors has had many conflicts and power struggles with Thomas, accusing him (unofficially) of using the office for personal gain, conducting selective prosecution, and pursuing expensive investigations against certain people based simply on personal vendettas.

But it's a bad idea to piss Thomas off. When he ran for and lost the Attorney General's election to Terry Goddard in 2002, he soon thereafter set his sites on Goddard, wasting a fortune on trumped up charges of fraud that never went anywhere. From there he chucked the founder of The New Times and his executive editor in jail in the middle of the night on misdemeanor charges of leaking grand jury secrets. The true reason behind the midnight raids to the publisher and editor's homes was that The New Times is always highly critical of Thomas and Sheriff Joe. Those charges were also quickly dropped as a shit storm of public outcry followed.

When indictments against Stapley were announced though, Phoenicians weren't super outraged. After all, this is the State where all political figureheads are corrupt. Let's run through some recent greatest hits. Former Governor Ed Mecham (a used car dealer) rescinded the state holiday honoring Martin Luther King Jr., was quoted that there was nothing wrong with calling black children "pickaninnies," that working women cause divorce, and that Jews should face up to the fact that the United States is a Christian nation. Dude was later impeached. Then there was Governor Fife Symington who in 1997 was convicted on six felony counts of bank and wire fraud. Dude had to resign and eventually became a pastry chef.

Certainly that was some serious political shit from the past, but when you read Stapley's 39-page indictment you sort of scratch your head because it appears that all Stapley did was make some pretty harmless paperwork errors. Specifically, Stapley listed his real estate investment company on financial disclosure forms with the County but during that same time period, he failed to list the company's real estate holdings. Perhaps a violation but come on…totally lame.

By April of 2009, as legal fees mounted for both Stapley and us citizens (we foot the cost of the County Attorney's prosecution), Stapley was able to seek a change of venue as people argued that Thomas had conflict of interest issues (duh) and the case was moved to Yavapai County about 100 miles north of Phoenix. By August 2009, Stapley's lawyers were able to convince Judge Kenneth Field to drop 51 counts on technicalities. The dismissed charges were based on the indictment that stated Stapley "failed to disclose property or business interest as required under a 'Maricopa County Rule or Resolution adopted January 20, 1994,'" The Judge's minute entry for reaching his conclusion is simple and reads, "There is no such rule or resolution that was adopted on that date by Maricopa County, only a motion to 'update' financial disclosure forms for elected officials."

What the fuck? What lame-ass County Attorney failed to realize that?

So, with that victory in the bag, Stapley was feeling like the cock of the walk even though he still had a boatload of charges to deal with.

But Thomas and Arpaio were not to be outfoxed. One morning in late September, as Stapley pulled into the downtown Phoenix garage of a Maricopa County office building, he was ambushed by Sheriff Arpaio and his deputies Ashton Kutcher-style; they handcuffed and arrested him for another 93 new felonies, all relating to fraudulent schemes involving his mortgage and loan businesses, campaign account fraud, tax return fraud, and campaign fraud.

The joint press release from Thomas and Arpaio's office stated, "The arrest occurred about 9:30 AM in the county administration parking garage. Stapley appeared agitated and said to deputies, 'You've got to be kidding me.'"

And here's the good part: Stapley was arrested without a grand jury trial, without being indicted first, and without a prosecutor assigned to the case. Can you say "personal vendetta?"

While no one is claiming that Stapley is a choirboy, this was just pure bullshit. Sheriff Joe and County Attorney Thomas are now sitting back, smirking, and quietly watching events unfold.