Welcome to 'The DM That Changed My Life', a column where we reflect on the WhatsApps, Insta DMs, work emails and Facebook messages that shook us to our core.
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I don’t really know how to speak to kids because I’ve never been around them, especially not at that age. So my fingers hovered over the glowing screen for a little while, as I tried to remember what it felt like to be ten. “What’s your favourite food in the world?” I eventually typed. “Noodles,” she replied immediately, “And roast dinner.” There was a pause. “Can I speak to you on Saturday?” she asked me, with the straightforward confidence that ten-year-olds possess. “That would be lovely,” I replied. “I'm looking forward to hearing what you’ve been up to.” “OK,” she said.Over the next few weeks, we spent a lot of time on the phone. To start with, our conversations felt strange and alien. I would ask her questions about school and how she liked to spend her time (singing, watching rom coms, sleepovers) and she would ask me questions (did I have a boyfriend? What year was I in at school or did I leave school a very long time ago?). Over time, the conversations got easier. She'd tell me the playground gossip, or what she hoped to get for her birthday. Occasionally, I'd forget how ten-year-olds lived their lives. “Are they gonna go on a date?” I asked her once, after she told me about a friend who had a crush on another friend. “Maybe when they're like 12!” she replied, snorting.These phone conversations quickly became a positive, almost calming presence in my life. We don't look that similar (we maybe have the same shaped eyebrows, a certain glare?) but she sounds like I did when I was that age. She talks at 100 miles an hour. Has a dry sense of humour. Takes the piss out of me when I don't quite get something. “I got engaged!” she exclaimed once, sending me a pic of her flashing a silver ring over WhatsApp. “Oh wow, should I buy a hat?” I replied. “I'm kidding,” she replied. “I'm literally ten.”If there's one thing about that first WhatsApp which scared me, it's that ten-year-olds aren't as sturdy as they seem. She's close to the same age that I was when I lost contact with my dad. I am a happy person with healthy relationships and a solid support network, but I'd be lying if I said the whole thing hadn't affected me somewhere, deep down. I can be held back and distrustful. I often assume that people will leave me. So I realised that I couldn't abandon this sister of mine, now that she'd reached out. And if I did, what did that say about me? Am I the same as my dad? It's a question we all ask ourselves.I haven't met my little sister yet but I'm sure I will. Maybe we'll go get noodles followed by a roast dinner. In the meantime though, we have this WhatsApp correspondence; the one that started with "Hi” and then, simply, just carried on.